


paradise but sometimes cold as ice

by kerrykins



Category: Crazy Rich Asians (2018)
Genre: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, fiction&femslashevent
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-02
Updated: 2019-07-02
Packaged: 2020-06-03 01:43:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19453768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kerrykins/pseuds/kerrykins
Summary: A year after Singapore, Eleanor reaches out to Rachel.





	paradise but sometimes cold as ice

**Author's Note:**

> title taken from "over my head" by fleetwood mac!

Eleanor Young knows what it means to wait. Patience is everything that makes her who she is. Her whole life has been built off of waiting; waiting for her Cambridge acceptance letter, waiting for Philip to propose, waiting for her son to come home from boarding school.

Now she has nothing to wait for, because everything is perfect and just as she wants it to be, spare for one tiny detail. Eleanor hasn’t been able to get her mind off of what she’d done to Rachel Chu. It had been cruel but necessary, yes— yet she won’t stop dwelling on it.

The morning sun shines through a window, though it doesn’t do much to warm Eleanor. She sips her coffee, leaving the kaya toast on her plate untouched; lately she hasn’t had much of an appetite.

Eleanor gazes out into the courtyard, wondering what’s on earth she could be missing. Rachel can’t be it, because the girl is inconsequential now that she no longer plays any kind of role in Eleanor’s life. Eleanor wraps her robe around herself tightly, watching golden light sweep over hedges and trees outside. She notices how the wide leaves shine with the slight sheen of dewdrops, water dripping down their stems.

It seems all she can do for the time being is to do what she does best— wait for whatever she’s missing to reveal itself to her.

___

Rachel Chu goes back to New York with a heavy heart and Nick’s number blocked on her phone. She’s surprised by how easily she falls back into the rhythm of things. Rachel still misses him desperately but she isn’t ready to talk yet— it hurts too much. She’s also surprised when Eleanor Young calls her. Seeing her caller ID feels like a slap in the face, an insult, but she picks up anyways.

She answers it with a set jaw, expecting Eleanor to hurt her again. “What do you want from me now?”

Eleanor surprises her yet again. “I understand that I may have overreacted. Would you like to meet me for lunch? My treat.” Rachel can detect nothing in her voice but sincerity, which is alarming and reassuring.

After getting over her initial shock, Rachel manages to stammer her agreement. They don’t talk for long and once Eleanor gives her the time and location, she hangs up without a goodbye of any kind.

Rachel stares up at her ceiling. How did Eleanor even get her number again?

___

Eleanor feels out of place in New York. This place is neither England nor Singapore, not even France. But she knows it well enough to find an acceptable restaurant for her and Rachel to meet at.

When Rachel arrives, Eleanor isn’t sure how to greet her. Certainly not with a hug, like last time. There’s an awkward exchange of mumbled hello’s and they sit down.

“Thank you for meeting me here,” Eleanor says, reminded of how Rachel greeted her at the mahjong game.

Rachel gives her a tight smile. “Yeah, no problem.” She shifts in her seat, looking uncomfortable and unsure of herself. 

Eleanor folds her hands in her lap, staring at the empty wine glass. “I’ve already ordered.”

“Oh, that’s good.” Rachel sounds dazed. “Um... so what’s up?”

Eleanor tells her-- she hasn’t been able to stop thinking about Rachel and the mahjong match. She regrets the way she drove her away. She’s sorry.

Rachel doesn’t interrupt her. She nods along and is quiet until Eleanor finishes speaking. “I mean, I was really messed up after that for a very long time. But it’s been something like a year now, and I think I’m okay.” She tilts her head at Eleanor. “I understand why you did it.”

“What do you think my reasons were?”

“You wanted what was best for your son,” Rachel replies, sipping her ice water. Her eyes meet Eleanor’s unwaveringly. “And what was best for you.”

Eleanor silently disagrees; her motivations were purely selfless. Her displeasure must show because the girl smiles at her.

“I know I’m right. I’ve thought about it a lot. You’ve worked too hard to let some unrefined banana to steal your son away and drag down the family business.”

“Perhaps,” Eleanor says hesitantly, not wanting to accept defeat even though Rachel may have a point. “You’ll understand this better once you’re a mother someday. It’s not so simple.” Rachel nods again. Eleanor isn’t sure if the girl is satisfied with this explanation.

They continue to talk in between small bites of food about a variety of topics. Work, the stock market, New York.

“How’s Nick?” Rachel asks neutrally as she pokes at her plate. At the mention of her son, Eleanor stiffens. “He’s fine.”

“Oh,” Rachel says. “Good.”

Neither of them bring him up again.

___

Eleanor kisses Rachel on the cheek when they’re saying goodbye **—** she means to air-kiss just the sides of her face, but there’s an accidental brushing of her lips against warm skin. Rachel goes very rigid and very pink, quickly saying she has to get back, she has papers to grade, and stumbles off.

Eleanor watches her go hopes she hasn’t ruined any chance of them becoming friends, or at least redeeming herself. 

Good heavens. She rolls her eyes. She shouldn’t want Rachel’s approval, who is a middle-class millennial that wears jeans from Gap. The older woman isn’t sure why she cares so much about this, when she has much more important things to consider. Maybe she feels guilty. Maybe she’s become one of those bored Singaporean housewives with nothing to do but stir up trouble. Maybe she’s overthinking this.

If it’ll help her sleep better at night, she wants to give whatever this is her all.


End file.
